Category Archives: A Writer’s Musings

Through the Blackness.

 

Through the Darkness – a poem by Marissa Campbell


I am hollow: bereft.

I feel the blackness coalesce.

Where am I?

Who am I?

This is not where I’m meant to be.

This isn’t the path chosen for me.

It’s all wrong.

I’m all wrong.

I can’t find my way out.

I can’t climb, I don’t shout.

Why bother.

I’m so tired.

Why does this circle entwine?

Why does this box confine?

My heart aches.

My head aches.

Round and round, I blindly flail.

My urgency is to succeed, yet my pattern is fail.

I can’t do this anymore.

I can’t be this anymore.

Yet I can’t just make it go away.

I must face this bleakness; I choose to stay.

Give me strength.

Give me peace.

Give me hope.

Let me be.

 

This was written in 2006.

In gratitude,

Marissa

 

How do I deal with these feelings?

Feelings by Marissa Campbell
How do I deal with these feelings?

This is an excerpt from one of my personal journals …

“How do I deal with these feelings of deep resentment, unhappiness, anger and oppression?

Such heavy words.

I have them, but what I am supposed to do with them?

Perhaps yelling and screaming? Perhaps crying? Perhaps taking action?

But what action would that be?

In order to get myself out of this situation, I must make changes, or movements toward alternatives. But what are those changes? those movements?

I’m not sure of the answers, or am I? I am questioning my clarity, my understanding, my intuition, my gut.

I need to release or express these difficult emotions. But how?

I must accept that everything is only temporary, nothing is stagnant, only my thinking, my inability to act, no my unwillingness to act stops me from moving forward, to moving to where I want to be.

I act by letting go, by facing the emotions, by feeling them, by releasing them from my mind, my body, my soul.”

I wrote this many years ago, and it was these types of ruminations that lead to the awareness and answers that are in my book Life: Living in Fulfillment Every Day. It was a long journey to find the insight and courage to act. I hope you find your way too.

In gratitude,

Marissa

The Drive-In

I crawled out of bed this morning at 11:30am. My kids were still asleep, the house quiet and serene. It was the morning after a double feature at the Drive-In Theater. Spiderman started us off, followed by Men in Black 3. The kids loved all the action of Spiderman; and I have to admit, I really liked Men in Black 3. That’s my kind of humour—the Three’s Company, Nutty Professor kind of slapstick comedy that keeps me sniggering for hours.

The awesome part in all this was, it was youngest’s first ever trip to the drive-in. I’m ashamed to say that it has been a long time since we partook in this wholesome family tradition. The last time we parked at the drive-in, I inadvertently spilled an entire extra-large Coke all over my husband’s shorts. He is still traumatized by the memory, which included him changing into a pair of jeans that he brought for when the night air turned cooler, schlepping his wet shorts and underwear through the concession building, only to have his underwear slide out of the shorts and land with a resounding ‘plop’ on the floor, whereupon everyone turned and looked. He sheepishly tucked the undergarment away saying, “I spilled my pop, really.”

Back in the present, my kids had a blast of the past—playing Ms. Pacman, Frogger, Phoenix, and Donkey Kong Junior on real arcade machines, sliding down metal slides, swinging on flat wooden swings, and balancing on rickety metal and wood teeter-totters.

With only minutes until the movie began, the tailgate popped up, held down at a respectable level by a bungee cord so no one behind us would be obstructed by the view, and two lawn chairs came out for my husband and I to sit in. Blankets, pillows, and children crowded the back of the truck, where seats had been folded down to allow for a luxurious movie viewing experience.

Bug repellent was duly sprayed, casting an odiferous fog around us, and for the most part we were unmolested, save a few brave souls that risked their lives for their supper. A few, admittedly, succeeded. Others, admittedly, failed.

By the end of Spiderman, everyone was wilted, but the youngest child’s enthusiasm to stay up past midnight, kept us going till the screen went dark—at 2:00am. The hour drive home was augmented by open windows and air conditioning, which aided alertness. No mandatory teeth brushing for the youngest kids—this experience just kept getting better and better for them—just straight to bed upon arrival. We were all comatose the moment our heads hit our pillows!

In other words, it was awesome! The kids loved it. It was brilliant watching them absorb the drive-in ambience, and it was a kick to only spend $30 to get in—it was two movies for less than the price of one! Can’t wait to see what’s on the big screens next month!

In gratitude,

Marissa xo