Tag Archives: well-being

Back to School, Wellness

Waiting for the Perfect Moment

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A calm image of golden sunlit water with smooth rocks and a low sun on the horizon.

Waiting for the perfect moment. How long does that take? Does it ever really get here? Is any moment truly perfect?

Things can be as perfect as we can make them, but given humans are fallible, there isn’t any moment of sublime perfection, just noble attempts — like trying to nail down wisps of smoke.

I made the choice to go back to college full time. Heaven knows it was not the perfect financial moment to jump into that decision. We had already helped two children go to post-secondary school, so we had debt up the wahoo. Heck, why not add a little more?

How about the logistics of when? Was going back to school the right decision because I had loads of time on my hands to attempt such a feat? Nope. With three kids, my volunteer work and trying to finish another book, time was a precious commodity. I really didn’t have the luxury of time needed to add a full-time college workload to my schedule — actually, it’s more than a full-time course load, since the course is a fast-tracked compressed program. So, rather than be content with the typical five courses a semester, I thought, why not take a program with eight courses a semester. I got this (insert dripping sarcasm and perhaps a hint of panic).

A young woman wearing glasses and a black and white striped shirt holds her temples as she is surrounded by text books.

How about age? What’s the perfect age to go to college? Right after high school? After discovering you hate your current program or job choice? While you still live at home with your parents? When you have kids? When they’ve grown? When you’re just crazy enough to put everything on hold and go for it?

Moral of the story: there’s no perfect time, just opportunity and desire. You come with the desire, but you have to make the opportunity. Opportunity is a conscious choice to recognize there’s never a perfect time for anything, there’s just a time that’s perfect enough for anything. And that moment is now. Like the Time Management Ninja says, we don’t have an endless supply of time, so seize each moment.

Don’t wait for tomorrow. Don’t wait for the right time. Pull a Nike and just do it. You’ll never get to where you want to be unless you move consistently forward. Waiting just delays things, and I’m far too impatient for that. It’s now or never. Go big or go home. Clichés all, but there’s no time like the present to follow your dreams.

For more on managing perfection, you can read all about how I subdued my inner perfectionist, here.

Imperfectly yours.

In gratitude,

Marissa xo

A Dose of Inspiration, A Writer's Musings

Relationships and Monkeys

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Relationships can be a blessing and a curse. Everything for a reason or a season comes springing to mind. This year has been an interesting journey for me. I’ve experienced many periods and areas of growth. I went back to school, bringing with it a new set of friendships. I learned some hard lessons, letting relationships fade to the background, and I made an effort to move away from negativity and drama and resettle back into a place of peace and serenity. But in order to get there, I had to make some tough decisions.

We all have a limited amount of energy, think money in the bank. Where we choose to spend it should be ‘our choice,’ but sometimes we get so caught up in other people’s circuses that we start looking after their monkeys without even realizing it. When we spend our energy on negative people, we get depleted. We run on fumes. It’s exhausting looking after everyone else’s needs and letting our own take a backseat. The bank account drops into the red pretty easily. What are we doing to pull it back inline, to receive a return on our investment?

If the relationship depletes us, then it’s a detrimental use of our energy. If the relationship lifts us up, makes us feel loved and cherished, then it’s a good investment. Relationships can bring a lot of joy and incredible happiness, but the ones that drag us into drama, heartache or struggle need to be exorcised. And I do mean exorcised. We need to lift up and out our sense of obligation, fear and/or guilt. No one needs that shit. We need to let it go.

Relationships are not obligatory—not even within our own blood family. All relationships must be a mutually beneficial, two-way, give-and-take endeavour. Each person should feel valued and appreciated. We should never stay in a negative relationship out of feelings of guilt, nor should we be holding onto toxic relationships merely out of fear of loneliness. My experience has taught me that once you get rid of negativity, life has a great way of bringing in positive experiences to fill the void—things we genuinely want and need in our lives. But we have to open up space to receive it.

Loneliness frightens a lot of people into accepting negativity. We’re so afraid of being on our own, alone with our own thoughts that we hold onto relationships that have long outlived their value. Letting go and moving on can be a scary leap. It requires faith that things will work out for the better. Think about decisions you’ve made that were frightening at the time, moments that felt overwhelming, where the outcome was uncertain. If you look back on those moments, did everything work out? Most do. And even if they didn’t seem to at the time, can you see how they led to growth, or pushed you in a new direction, or offered a new perspective? Can you see how those results can be viewed as positive as well? They may not have taken the path you had hoped for, but in the end, something positive still resulted from them—even if it’s only proof that you can overcome hardships and adversity.

The point is, we don’t have the ability of hindsight when we’re knee-deep in a situation. It takes time and distance to gain a little perspective. But if you take the leap and remove negative relationships and negative people from your life, you’ll find you have more energy, a greater sense of self and what makes you happy, and you’ll move closer to finding people who align with your beliefs and values. A positive relationship pays dividends and you’ll be richer for it.

Let ‘em keep their monkeys.

In gratitude,

Marissa xo

A Writer's Musings

In defense of meh

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On March 29, I wrote a Facebook (FB) post exploring the qualities of being exceptional and meh. It created quite a stir. My outstanding FB community offered encouragement and I received an outpouring of virtual hugs. I was overwhelmed by the support.

I wanted to take a moment and reassure everyone and offer some insight into the inner workings of my mind. Here then is:

In defense of meh…

Deep introspective thinking can be a curse, but I find it’s also the greatest path to transformation. We need to figure out where we are right now in order to change it. Being meh isn’t a bad thing. Most people tend to shy away from questions like: “What am I supposed to do with my life?” or “What’s the point of it all?” These may seem like melancholy sentiments, and sometimes they can be, brought about by low points in our lives, but even then, they are catalysts for change. I’m not at a low point, but I am a bit rudderless in my travels at the moment. I’m searching for just what it is that I need to feel that spark of passion and creativity again. Life has a way of bogging us down in minutia and sometimes we fall off the track.

This time around, I’ve fallen and landed in a place of inertia. I’m trying lots of different things, but it’s as if I’m treading water and not really going anywhere. When I’m writing books, this inertia phase is called writer’s block. For me, writer’s block occurs when I’ve taken the story or my characters in a direction they were never meant to go, a direction that doesn’t resonate with my vision for the story. Unfortunately, when you’re knee-deep in the mire of the ‘murky middle’ as it’s wanting to be called, it’s damn near impossible to figure out what’s wrong. You know something needs to be fixed, which is why you can’t write a single word more, but you have no idea what the problem is. In this state of impasse, all you can do is reflect on where your characters have been and where they’re currently at before enough time passes and you get an ‘aha’ moment and the words start flowing again because you found where the train jumped the track and you can pull it back in the direction it wants to go, rather than forcing it to bend to your will.

That’s where I’ve been this year… off track, forcing myself to move in directions I’m not sure I’m meant to go. And this imbalance had been multifaceted, spanning several areas of my life, which has created a ripple effect, driving a strong desire for change and growth. Sometimes you need enough distance to gain a little perspective. And often, there’s plenty of damn forests to try to see through to the trees. But eventually, if you keep asking the tough questions, the clouds will clear, and you’ll find some answers.

Someone asked me if I wanted to be exceptional, and while it may seem vain or politically incorrect, the answer is yes, of course I do. But how do we define exceptional? And in the same breath, how do we define success?

Every one of us will answer those questions differently. I’m exceptional when I’m following my passions, spending time with my friends and family and engaging in life. In other words, I’m exceptional when I’m happy. Happiness creates a glow—a bubbly, warm light of energy that surrounds us and embraces everyone and everything we touch. Success comes by following my passions and engaging in something that makes me happy. But success is also practical. In order for me to achieve it, I need to do all that and contribute financially to the well-being and stability of my family. So, while I’d love to create for the sake of creating, bills still have to get paid and food needs to find its way to the table.

When I ask the tough questions, I get closer to being exceptional and successful. I’m not content with anything less. Which means, I have to hunker down and find out why I’ve hit writer’s block in my own life. Fortunately, I’ve found some answers. Not all of them, mind you, but a couple gems of insight to move me slowly toward that next great thing that will set my soul on fire and ignite a passionate adventure…adding one word after another, until I build a sentence, then a paragraph, then a chapter. I’m building toward a new chapter in my life, and I’m excited as hell to see where it takes me. Thanks for coming along for the ride.  🙂  <3

In gratitude,

Marissa xo