Tag Archives: Amwriting

A New Start Opening Pandora

That incredibly emotive paragraph I wrote for the last blog post got me thinking again about Opening Pandora--a story I’ve been wanting to write but one that has lacked any kind of structure or focus. My biggest obstacle has been that I’ve had no idea how Stephanie’s journey begins. I’ve known where I want to take her, at least in part, but how to start… again, the complaint of pantsing your way through a manuscript. In fact, there have been several false starts, a few of them punished to this blog, actually. None of them worked, otherwise I would have been able to continue  her tale. But I like this one… it resonates a truth to me. Setting up her ordinary world, before everything changes.  What do you think?

Emptiness is like a plague, robbing life of light and color, stealing the innocence of beauty and the hope of joy, leaving only the shades of memory and longing. And I’d been living in the shadows far too long. I raised my glass. “Happy Anniversary.”

As usual, he didn’t answer back, merely smiled from beneath the glass pane, his likeness forever captured, his essence forever lost.

Right on schedule, my laptop sprang to life, calling me away from the past, and I clicked to answer.

“Hey, beautiful. How’s Durham?” A shinning, persistently optimistic face beamed back at me.

“Good evening, Dr. Monroe. How’s life in Boston?”

Joe swept his hand to the view behind him, a bank of floor to ceiling windows reflecting a cityscape lit up like a Christmas tree. “Effervescent.”

I shook my head. “You’re too damn cheerful.”

“Only around you, which begs the question. When are you coming back from that godforsaken place? Chatting but once a week is becoming tortuous. I miss you.” Joe was an urban socialite. The idea of leaving the seat of all that is modern and convenient for a small town, despite its natural beauty, surrounded as it was by lakes and forests, was heresy.

“I miss you too.” I sipped my wine.

“You’re avoiding the question.” He crossed his arms.

“I know this is hard for you to grasp, but it’s very peaceful here. I needed the break.”

“Well, surely you’re done traipsing about with the fairies and wee folk of the bogs and glens by now. It’s been a month.” He moved closer to the screen on his computer. “You’re chewing your fingernails. Oh, God. What are you not telling me?”

I dropped my hand as if I’d been caught reaching for a hot pot on the stove.

“Stephanie. What is it?”

“I found a job.” I came out as a whoosh, the urge to finish chewing my nail chasing quick on its heels.

“A job? You mean to stay then?” His voice screamed incredulous, but his eyes searched me across the miles, crestfallen.

“I can’t come back Joe. There’s nothing there for me now.”

“I know it was hard losing Jason, but you have friends here, a career…”

“And I’m grateful to you for both, but I need a mulligan, a clean start. I can’t do that in Boston where every café, every restaurant, every street I walk down reminds me of him.”

“It’s been over a year, Steph.”

“I know, that’s why I’m here. I have to do this.”

He leaned back, neatly manicured eyebrows drawn together in consternation. “There’s no budging you?”

“I’m not saying this is a permanent solution; it’s just a right-now solution.”

He regarded me, like a chess player assessing his next move. “Fine. Then Christopher and I are coming for a holiday.”

“Better bring goulashes—gets pretty mucky on all the dirt roads.”

The look of horror on his face made me spit out some of my wine. “Jesus, Joe.” I dabbed at my eyes and the mess with tissue. “It’s not that bad. I promise.”

He put a hand over his heart. “I’m only considering this because I love you. Christopher, however, might have my balls.”

“Well, it’s a good thing he’s been taking such good care of them all these years then isn’t it. He’s not likely to damage them now.”

“You don’t know how much he hates mud.” He grimaced.

“Well, let me know if and when you two decide to come down. I’ve got plenty of room.”

“I’ll clear it with the hospital and get back to you.” He paused. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m good. Honest. It’s been a rough day, but I start at the pub tomorrow. I’m actually excited.”

“The pub? What on earth have you gotten yourself into?”

“I’m the new bartender.”

Opening Pandora: A New Beginning

Trying out a new beginning I wrote last night. What do you guys think?

I was thirteen the first time I tried to kill myself. The knife was very different from the one I currently held. I swiveled the blade, watching more lime juice soak into the maple cutting board.

I placed the freshly sliced fruit into a plastic container, grabbing another victim from the grocer’s box. I wasn’t sure what made me think of that long-ago day. It might have been the song playing over the satellite radio, speakers tumbling out the tinny tune. Could have been the fact that I’d almost severed my thumb, the dull paring knife skidding off the peel and missing my digit by a hair’s breadth.

I dropped another handful of lime garnishes into the container and eyed up my stockpile. I grabbed the box of lemons and extricated a few of the lesser bruised choices, placing them on the counter top. It was probably more likely that today was the second anniversary of my divorce.

I turned over a lemon, neatly clipped off the ends, and cut it into halves, quarters, and then eighths. I scored each section with a horizontal gash, making it easier to wedge onto the top of a glass, then dropped the pieces beside the cut limes.

The first anniversary had landed me in the hospital, a blood alcohol level five times the legal limit. I hadn’t consciously been trying to kill myself. Though, I’d never driven drunk before. The night was a bit of a blur. It involved confronting Ron, a screaming match with his current conquest, several bars, and too many shots to remember. I thought I’d been lonely in my disaster of a marriage. It’s amazing how low you can sink when there’s no distractions, and it’s just you and your thoughts.

That’s where I was eighteen years ago, hiding in that closet, rubbing the switchblade across my wrist. Lost in thought. It wasn’t like I’d had a terrible childhood. I had friends who’d had it much worse. My brain just tended toward the melancholy, and my parents were emotionally unavailable. I’d had all the creature comforts in life, but none of the love and connection to go with them. I was a piece of litter adrift in a bleak, infinite ocean. In my opinion, there hadn’t been much to live for.

I glanced at the flawless, porcelain skin of my forearm. I’d been too terrified to do it, but I had craved the silence that I knew would come with a swift, deep cut. My blood would have flowed with suppressed tears. I’d have finally gotten their attention.

I shook my head. Jesus, that was morose. I finished cutting the lemons and carried both boxes back to the walk-in fridge in the basement. I’d come a long way since my accident, and I wasn’t that sad little girl anymore. I glanced at my watch and took a deep, cleansing breath.

I had five minutes until the doors opened, six until Jake and Adam sat across from me, each seeking solace, a friendly ear, and a pint of Guinness, and thirty seconds or less until Lisa accosted me about last night. I shoved the shroud of memories back into the closet with the rest of my skeletons and found my smile. It was show time.

Opening Pandora: A Prologue

 After that sexy musings blurb (see previous post) I decided to keep writing to see where it took me. The result was a prologue. I have no idea if it will stay a prologue, or if I will cut it, dissect it and mine it for gems, relocate it, or scrap it all together. Such is the uncertainty of first drafts, but I do like it. 😀 So, here for your edification, I give you the prologue to Opening Pandora a new creative vision.  <3


I shouldn’t be here. I leaned my head against the steering wheel and closed my eyes, fisting the warm leather, knowing even as I thought it, even as I hesitated, there was no turning back. At any point during the drive, I could have turned around, but I kept going, sight fixed on the road ahead, the specters of doubt and recrimination chasing me like street racers. But they’d lost. I’d made it. Pandora’s box parked hidden within a concrete jungle of normalcy and mediocrity.

I scanned the sea of humanity, focused on staying invisible while I lifted my ass off the leather seat and slid my hands underneath my skirt. Two fingers hooked around the band of my thong, and I slid the fabric down my legs, the cool flush of exposure trailing in its wake. Part of the lace caught on the stiletto of my shoe, and I struggled to set it free, desperate to avoid drawing attention to myself. Just a random person in a car. No need to look. Nothing untoward or salacious here.

I fisted the panties and stuffed them in my purse, heart pounding. All I had to do now was open the door and step out. I gauged the distance from the parking lot to the mall entrance. Maybe twenty-five feet separated them, yet it seemed like a chasm hundreds of yards wide, each crack and chip in the pavement defined by the brilliance of a million spotlights, their beams focused, waiting.

I gripped the door handle, and a band of gold caught the sunlight. Stomach tight,. I glanced over my shoulder and slipped the ring off my finger, dropping it in the drink holder of the console. It fell without a sound. The receipt from my son’s new soccer cleats stuffed in the plastic cavern muffled the finality. I covered it all with a take-out napkin and opened the door.

Heat rose in waves off hoods and roofs, echoing the wobble of shaking legs as I stood, back to the metal. A cool breeze played with the hem of my dress, and I tugged it lower, a disconcerting dampness spreading between my legs. I craved the security a tiny strip of cotton could provide, but my instructions had been to come without underwear. I swallowed the urge to slink back into the car.

I didn’t have time for a pep talk. Those days had long past. I needed to open the box and let the world deal with the consequences. I was beyond saving. I glanced at the glass doors, watching shoppers mill in and out, oblivious to the turmoil around them.

I found a steadying breath and pushed off, taking my first tentative, tenuous step toward the man who wanted to fuck me.

Hot in Aruba – Chapter One


All right, everyone. Here’s a sneak peek at Chapter One! I welcome any feedback you might have!



The notes weren’t mine. I nabbed them from the trash bin. At first, I had felt like a voyeur, peering into someone else’s life, but I’d been collecting them for so long, they were now a part of an elaborate hoax I’d created for myself—the lie to end all lies—the existence of true love.

I slid the clasp aside and opened the lid of the lacquered wood chest. Eyes closed, I reached in and stirred up the contents, listening to the satisfying shuffle of paper cards, passing over several offerings before settling on one. “I love the way you fit, curled into my side, as we glide together on the porch swing.”

I held the thin sheaf of paper close to my heart. The veranda sagged empty now. A burden of snow weighed down the wooden bench, a layer of ice suppressing the hinges.

A tuneless whistle emanated from the living room, catching me up short, and I groaned, affecting a mental face palm. I was a masochist, allowing myself to get swept up in the charade. Nothing in my experience had ever taught me the validity of love’s promise. Survival, hard work, blood, sweat, and tears… that was the stuff life was made of.

I placed the note back inside the box and tucked it under the bed as a pair of meaty hands and thick forearms grabbed me from behind.

“Hey, baby.” Mark pressed his hips into my ass as I bent over.

I straightened and stepped into his embrace. “Hey, yourself.”

“That was a fine view.”

“Sunny-side up?”

“Half naked.” He grinned and lifted me, carrying me to the bed. He made quick work removing my t-shirt, the only vestment I had on, and his own clothes landed in a pile on the floor.

A moment later, I lay on my back engaged in a riveting game of Mr. Wobbly hides his helmet. Despite my efforts to mix things up in the bedroom, Mark remained committed to the missionary position, which did little to aid my quest for an earth-shattering orgasm. I swore I was one of those women whose clit stretched miles away from their vagina.

“God, you’re so fucking hot, Samantha,” he grunted, pumping hard.

The draft from the single-pane window caused a shiver to race up my spine. I yanked on the duvet, trying to lift if up over Mark’s back, but it lodged under his knees and wouldn’t budge.

Teeth bared, his breath quickened, and he got that crinkled look on his face, which meant he was about to blow. If I had any hope of reaching orgasm, I needed to focus. I quit fiddling with the covers and shifted a little, trying to stop the broken spring in the mattress from gauging into my tail bone. I closed my eyes, desperate to build the climax.

Too late.

He let out a long wheeze and collapsed, half his weight on the mattress, the other on me. Both my hope and clit shrivelled. After a period of heavy breathing, he rolled onto his back and put his hands behind his head. “Did you go, baby?”

“No.” I flipped onto my stomach and drew circles with my nails on his smooth chest. I ran my fingertips over his six pack, delighting in the dips and valleys, and traced the outline of a gothic tattoo that trailed across his pecs and up over his shoulder, before ending in a hot muscled sleeve. “But maybe you could help me out with that.”

He stretched. “I’d love to, but I gotta get to work.”

I didn’t expect a lot, but a little effort would be nice. Not that it would have mattered. I’d never been able to come during sex and most guys I dated didn’t do foreplay. If I wanted an orgasm, I had to take matters into my own hands. I chocked it up to baggage from my past and daddy issues.

He kissed my forehead and hopped out of bed, heading to the bathroom, and I admired the indents in his sculpted backside until the door shut.

Past baggage or not, I needed a release. Cranked and revved up with nowhere to go, I stared at the ceiling. The paint bubbled and peeled in one spot, and a crack ran the length of the drywall seam. I needed to talk to the Superintendent. It was only a matter of time before the whole thing collapsed.

The toilet flushed, and the shower door closed. With a final glance at the bathroom, I opened my nightstand and pulled out Bob, my faithful battery operated boyfriend, and waited. Once the water started running, I turned on my vibrator. It was old and sounded like a Hoover, but it never let me down.

Still sensitive from Mark’s jouncing, it wouldn’t take long. I just… needed… a little… attention… right… there. I arched my back into the pounding throb of my toy, letting the delicious buzz fill my body. I clutched the sheets, fisting them in my free hand, riding that delicious wave of pleasure as it crested. I let out a strangled moan and fell back, my heart pounding.

Why couldn’t I do that with an actual man present?

I cleaned up the evidence with some tissue, tucked Bob back in the drawer under my panties, and glanced at my phone. I still had time for coffee.

I grabbed yesterday’s jeans and hunted through my basket of clean clothes for a sweater. I hadn’t gotten a chance to put them away last night after work, so they sat there like a beacon admonishing me. At least I’d folded them.

Locking the door behind me, I headed downstairs, fortifying myself before stepping outside. A blast of Arctic air hit me full gale, and I tramped, head bent to the wind, through the snow, taking a quick right into the cafe. Once within the warm and welcoming glow of Let it Percolate, the comforting aromas of dark-roasted coffee and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies enveloped me.

I shook the icy flakes from my long blonde hair and stomped the slush off my boots onto the already soaked black synthetic carpet. The cafe wasn’t typically busy this early in the morning, but a few people lounged in the plush chairs surrounding one of the gas fireplaces. I envied them their leisure and warmth.

Durham was a small vacation town, nestled by the lake. Shops lined the main drag, and angled parking spaces poked out from either side of the road. In the summer, it looked picture perfect. Beautiful Victorian row houses with deep burgundy or stately hunter-green shutters lined roads paved with cobblestone. Hybrid tea roses in soft pinks and yellows cast their delicate scent through the air. Swinging benches on inviting porches overlooked manicured lawns. Baskets brimming with icicle pansies, hydrangeas, ivy, and impatiens hung from old-fashioned light standards. The perfect romantic getaway for exhausted city travellers seeking to pluck up their social media feeds with plastic smiles and pretty sunsets. Today, however, in the dead of winter, the cafe’s large, floor-to-ceiling windows framed a world blanketed in white. On a Christmas postcard, it would have been serene and festive, but beneath the powder and frosted window panes, Durham lay abandoned. Its shutters closed. Its shops empty. People forgot about Durham in the winter. The city moved on and Durham watched and waited for the warmer temperatures and spring blossoms that heralded better times to come, when the world would love it again, if only briefly.

“Hey, Samantha.” A familiar head popped up from the dessert cabinet. “One whole-fat, extra-whip caramel latte with double drizzle coming up.”

“I need that to go, Carlos. And a black coffee, large.” I followed the soggy carpet runner to the register and fished a ten-dollar bill out of my threadbare wallet. The shiny new brakes on my car had taken most of my free cash that month.

“Mark, huh?” Carlos’ mouth set in a firm line, and his hands found their way to his hips.

While his father might be able to get away with that stance and intimidate an entire courtroom of witnesses, it didn’t suit Carlos, and he wore it awkwardly.

“Yes. Mark. He’s on his way to work.”

He parceled out my change. “Why doesn’t he come down here and get his own coffee so we can meet him?” He leaned against the register, golden-brown eyes regarding me. “You’ve been dating this guy for six months. Why doesn’t he want to meet your friends?”

“He’s shy.” I shouldered my way past a man waiting in line. Carlos mirrored my progress from the other side of the long counter.

“It’s because he’s ugly and bald with a hare-lip isn’t it.”

“If I were that superficial, I’d wouldn’t be talking to you.”

A hand flew to his heart. “You wound me, Bella.”

I smirked. “Fine, you’d pass.” In truth he’d do more than pass any test I could give him. Brilliant, almost finished his law degree, he was handsome—all chiseled jaw and high cheekbones from his Italian father and Spanish mother.

“Your tests involve tattoos and lousy attitudes.”

I leveled my gaze at him, though admittedly, I didn’t have the best track record “Not all my boyfriends have been terrible.” I couldn’t argue with him on the tattooed part.

“You like the bad boys. I could never compete,” he said.

“No, you couldn’t. You don’t have a bad bone in your body.”

“I could try you know. Make a rolling stop at an intersection. Go five miles over the speed limit.”

If I had been drinking my coffee, I would have spit it onto the floor. “No, you couldn’t.”

His lips rolled into a pout. “Fine. But for you, I might be willing to consider it.”

I leaned in for a hug. “You’re too cute.”

He hugged me back. “Will I see you tomorrow night?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”



Carlos made his way back behind the counter.

“I don’t know why you keep trying,” Paul said as he swirled the last peak of whipped cream into a customer’s hot chocolate.

“I’m wearing her down.” Carlos smiled at the couple waiting at the till and completed their order, jotting down their drink selections for Paul.

Paul snickered. “What about Claire? Does she know you’re making the moves on another woman?”

Carlos had to recount the couple’s change. “Bad form, dude.” He tossed Paul a healthy glare of disdain.

Other than Samantha, no one knew he and Claire were no longer a couple. He still cared about her, and for a time he thought he loved her, but his priorities had changed. He wanted something else. Something more. And fortunately, so did Claire. If the decision fell solely to him, he would have made their breakup public a year ago. Three more months wasn’t that long to wait.

He placed a new cup, its surface marred with chicken scratch outlining the next order, in front of Paul. “You coming tomorrow?”

“Classic deflection. Well done.”

“I try.”

Paul placed the filled cups on the counter, shining his dimpled mega-watt smile at the older woman, who blushed as she accepted her Chai Latte. Her male companion steered her quickly toward the back of the room. “I’m looking forward to meeting all your adoring fans and playing the Don Juan to your Don Quixote.”

Carlos laughed. “You pull that crap and I may lose my adoring fans.”

Paul shrugged. “Chicks dig that whole pirate-rake scene. Besides, I’d only be helping preserve your pristine image as a chaste saint.”

“I’m not a saint, nor am I chaste.” Carlos glanced around the cafe to make sure no one paid attention to their conversation. He didn’t think Blake, their boss, would approve of the topic.

Paul leaned against the counter. “When was the last time you got laid?”

Beads of sweat popped along Carlos’ forehead. “I’m not sure we should be talking about this here.”

“They aren’t listening.” Paul gestured to the small group clustered together by the fireplace. He didn’t even bother pointing out the couple who sat side by side, huddled at the back. Carlos knew they couldn’t hear anything over the jazz music playing in the background.

“It’s been a while.”

Paul actually snorted. “Dude, I know it’s at least been a year. That cactus is shriveled. It’s probably grown a fungus from lack of air. Maybe some crusty smegma.”

Carlos threw the cloth he used to wipe the counter at Paul’s head. “Speaking from experience?”

Paul dodged the wayward towel. “My stallion gets ample space to run.”

“Just so I’m clear, you’re a stallion, and I’m a cactus?”

“You need to water that shit. Thing’s gonna atrophy and fall off. Just saying.”

“Didn’t you just give me hell for hitting on Samantha?”

“I fully support a little extra curricular activity. For God’s sake, Claire’s been in Italy forever. You see her once a year. A man can’t live like that. I just caution against where you throw your misdirected attentions.”

Over six feet tall, with the kind of biceps and tattoos that would normally make Samantha salivate, Carlos always wondered if something had happened between them, but he’d never worked up the nerve to ask. “Did you and Samantha ever, you know, hangout?”

“Damaged goods that one. I’ve warned you.”

“Yeah, you’ve mentioned, but you never explained how you came to that conclusion. Did you guys date? A one-night stand?” The idea rankled.

Paul started wiping down the espresso machine. “What if I told you she was the fuck of the century? Would that help?”

“No.” He was sorry he asked.




All About the Journey

Writing is a fascinating process. You start off in one direction, wander down multiple pathways, back track, take the fork in the road, retrace your steps, follow the bend, stare at dead ends, turn back, and try again. So many tangents, so many broken lines… only to end up at the right spot, eventually.

#AllAboutTheJourney #WritersLife #HotInAruba #Word

Gateway to Macha
In gratitude,
Marissa xo

Over the Hump

Working on a new novel is a lot like running through a vat of molasses. It’s a slow, messy process. I’m happy to report, however, I finally stumbled over the 30,000 word hump. 😀

Here’s a little teaser of what I wrote today for Hot in Aruba, my contemporary romance.

That Tongue

Can’t wait to share this one with you!

In gratitude,

Marissa xo

For the Record

From today’s writing: Hot in Aruba

Hot in Aruba

My feet moved mechanically. I was a sexually active woman. I loved sex. I craved the intimacy and high of climax, yet around Carlos, I acted like a girl who’d barely been kissed. And why? Because I was bent on us being friends. That old record was seriously wearing out its groove.

When he’d suggested we should head back, I’d wanted anything but. However, the idea of pushing him down and fucking him in the desert sand hadn’t really appealed to me, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why? Outside sex was hot. A thought burbled to the surface, and I cringed. A whiny, pouty little voice mewled that our first time together should be special.

I kicked a pebble in my path. What the hell was happening to me? I was losing my fucking mind.

Sexy Sneak Peek at Avelynn #2

Who wants a sexy sneak peek at Avelynn #2?
I’m knee-deep in edits right now. Here’s what I was working on today.
Enjoy. 😀

You missed a spot

He stood beside the tub and gazed inside. A smile spread across his face. A blush stole across mine. “Has she washed you?”

The deep thrum of his voice stirred more than the surface of the water. I was suddenly famished, though it had little do to with sustenance. “No.”

He lifted the sponge. “May I?”

I nodded, my mouth parched of an answer.

He ladled out the soap, squeezing and working the paste into the myriad of holes before dipping the sponge into the water. Sudsy bubbles trickled to the surface as he lifted it back out. “Stand for me.”

Gripping the sides, I rose out of the water, conscious of his heated gaze. He stood behind me and brushed the hair from my shoulder. Fingertips trailed down my arm, and the sponge lighted against my skin. It had an odd texture. The fibers slightly coarse, invigorated my skin, while the soap glided over my body, slippery and smooth. His fastidious attention laved my arms and back until his focus shifted. It lingered on my backside and his free hand cupped and squeezed. The sponge dipped lower, poised to slide between my thighs. His advance halted. I inhaled sharply as yearning pooled just beyond his reach.

“Face me.”

I submitted, and the sponge swept across hip, and waist, working its way down to my belly. For a breath it hovered below my navel then swept lower, riding the edge of pleasure promised. My legs quivered, and longing ignited my body. I needed that sponge to dip a fraction more. He was so close. I shifted my weight from one leg to the other. It was like an itch I couldn’t scratch.

“Hold still or the washing will take longer.”

In gratitude,

Marissa xo

Am I ready to submit?

Conversations with the Goddess

Dear Goddess, I’ve almost completed my round 2 of edits on my novel. I really like where it sits right now. At what point should I start submitting queries to agents?


I am the Goddess of art and literature. I am the Goddess of the moon. The most auspicious time for you to submit your manuscript will be on the full moon. November 25th and December 25th. If you wait until 2016, you will miss your window.

Goddess keep you,


Aine's playground